A Bit Late, But Plenty Silly...

Well, I usually post on the weekend, but this past weekend was my birthday so I didn't. So there. That also meant that I really didn't think about what TO post. What do you do in a situation like that? You pull out a bit that you wrote a while back that is so silly that you considered not using it at all! So, for your Monday morning blahs, I give you:

You may wonder why after all of these years, I am still obsessed with the lunar landing. After all, it’s 2014, that was 45 years ago. We have much more important things to talk about now, such as the new colony on Mars that was established ten years ago, and the exploration of deep space by warp drive vehicles….

In doing a bit of genealogical research I have found out why I’m obsessed with the moon. The fact is- it’s mine. Actually, it belongs to my whole family.  You see, I’m a Looney.  Now some of you are saying “Yeah, like we haven’t known that for years…” but the fact is that I am the direct decedent of a long line of Looney’s. My great great  great grandfather was William Looney, my great great grandfather was Leonard Looney, My great grandmother was Jessie Looney.

What does this mean? Well, obviously if the moon was named after my family, we rightfully own it. And if we rightfully own it, NASA has had a number of vehicles parked on our property for quite some time. If we figure in parking rates of 5.00 a day, multiplied by about 70 spacecraft (rovers, modules, crashed orbiters, etc) for an average of 40 years we get $73,050.00. Now if we also figure in the cleanup cost for the other junk they have left there; such as:

2 golf balls

12 pairs of boots

TV cameras

Film magazines

96 bags of…uh…human waste

Numerous Hasselbad cameras and accessories

Several improvised javelins

Hammers, tongs, rakes, shovels

Backpacks

Blankets

Towels

Wet wipes

Personal hygiene kits

Empty food packs

A photo of Charlie Duke’s family

A feather from Baggin, the Air Force Academy’s mascot

A small aluminum sculpture

An Apollo 1 patch

A goodwill disk

A silver pin

A medal

A golden olive branch

…and if we start figuring in the cost of the flights required and the technology advancements needed to do the job, we come to about…. 12 billion dollars, give or take a mill. That sounds reasonable.

So, if anyone from NASA is reading this, please remit payment ASAP. Thank you for your understanding in this matter. …and IF you ever come back, please remember to be a litter neater on Looney property.

Coming up next, my lawsuit against Warner Brothers…

Until next time fly ‘em fast and high!